Hello everyone,
Lately i have been dealing with alot of pain but emotional and physical..The pregnancy is having some complications which worries me to non end. My back hurts to the point where i can't move, the other day i was having pre-labor pains which is not good at all, i was bleeding for a day but it stopped by that night, the cramps are bad and its hard to just stay calm so i don't get stressed out. So beyond the pain of the pregnancy i have alot of emotional pain..
With the words from others hitting me from left and right its sometimes hard to deal with all of them. I have people who support me, and others that do not and many people have there own oppinion on what i should do, its hard to sit here and just let it go i do for the most part there are other moments that i can't and when that happens i wish i could turn to friends and family, but i can't cuz i feel like i'm a lone in a lot of this..People think they know whats going on and know how i feel but honestly they have no idea. Specially when adoption came up so many people thought they knew what was best and to be honest they don't no one does unless they have expierenced it first hand, adoption is one of the hardest things i delt with growing up and to put my own kid up for adoption was extremly hard i just couldn't bring myself to do it. I prayed about for a long time and knew it was right to keep the baby. People may say it will have a better life, but all the baby truely needs is LOVE, looking at adoption papers and trying to decide what to do brought alot of emotions out from my past i guess i look at it differently in some ways and give my birth mom alot of props for doing it.. it must have been hard and i know she wanted the best for me..Adoption is good and bad lol from my point of view..
I have a great boyfriend even though at moments i get very upset at him its just right now we don't see eye to eye about alot of things we are trying to work on it but its going slow so i need alot of patience which i lack sometimes theres so much i could say on the boyfriend topic right now, but somethings i just wanna keep to a minumum till i know for sure what he and i are doing and stuff..
so i guess you could say emotionaly i feel like i'm dying inside but for all you young unmarried mommies what people don't know is we are strong cuz we are pulling through this and mainly doing it on our own..even if we seem weak we are some of the strongest people out there..KUDOS to all of you!
it takes alot for us to do what we do!
I'll blog more later but thoughts are going crazzy right now cuz emotions well you know are high when your preggo..plus the baby is kicking so now my mind is mainley on that hahaha..\
talk to you all soon!
~Hannah + baby
