Theres so many nights i just cry myself to sleep and last night was one of them! I do not understand Brocks and my relationship at all. The things he says and does towards me do not make sense. Why did are relationship have to change so much after i got pregnant? Some people ask me why i'm still will him if he hurts me so much, but the thing is I LOVE HIM and he does make me happy just not alot at this time. I keep thinking the longer i hold on and stay strong the more likely he will come around and be the man he should be. Except whenever i think things are going up hill he pushes us right back down it. I really wanna try to understand him, but its getting extremly hard and each time he hurts me deeper and deeper and the more i just wanna scream and say GO AWAY! but i can't do that i feel like the reson he is like this because of me, but wait i can't get blame myself we both made this baby not just me. I know he is still upset at the fact i'm keeping the baby and not doing adoption, and the fact he doesn't wanna tell his family! I just can't seem to bring myself to understand all this. What the heck did i do to deserve this? if he thinks i'm being mean or whatever how does he think that i don't ask him to do anything except to talk to me is that to much? apparently it is he said we talk to much. TO MUCH? what?!??!?!?! we talk once a day for just a lil bit WOW thats to much pshhh..& then he just has to rub in my face that he doesn't think of me at all during the day.. Do i really cause him that much pain and anger! IDK but he is begginning to make me feel like a pile of crap...Why is he still with me if i make him feel this way? I know we have good days and those i love, but last night after our phone conversation i just cried and cried till i passed out.. and today i just wanna ask him what happened to us? but of course not i can't call him he has to call me.. DUMB.. I just wanna feel special again like i once did in his life! is that forever gone?
HELP SOMEONE PLEASE!!!!
~Hannah
