-Spring-

-Spring time is finally here the past few days has been perfect weather but then one morning i woke up and it was cloudy and raining then the next thing you know its snowing again, thank goodness it was only a lil bit of snow.. usually spring time brings happy thoughts of big summer plans or i'm just in a better mood usually but this spring has not started out so good. A week an a half ago i could say life was getting better with alot of things, but now its all heading downhill again..

I have 95 days till the baby comes and i'm trying to get ready but since Brock is well not making his mind up with what he wants to do it puts a hold on me, Ya i know i should just be making plans myself no matter what his decision is but some things i need to know from his end..If he wants to be apart then i don't wanna make plans on my own and do things my way, but if he is just going to ditch us i wanna know so i can move on.. basically in the last week we have maybe talked 3 times if that and those were short conversations.. It seems like since he saw me about a week or two ago and felt the baby move he freaked out again. Hes gotta pull himself together and step up or step out, this whole half way crap is retarted he gets made when i do things without him but then when i ask him do things with him he freaks out really i' mean come on pick what your going to do i can't handle many more of these emotional breakdowns i'm sick of crying myself to sleep cuz of stupid things he has said or done or in general of not talking to me and not caring..ya ya he says he cares but really i can't tell most of the time, he thinks everything will get better once the baby is born, but how does he think that this is the easy part now and he cant even handle this he thinks that when baby boy is born he can just avoid it completly and OH i'll be back to normal..what in the world is he thinking one he can't just expect to hang with me without his child is he dumb.. and two why the crap is me being skinnier going to help. Seriously stop ripping on me for being pregnant..I already have low self esteem and brock makes it worse, i mean seriously he says he is gunna get mad if my body ends up with stretch marks or extra fat or i don't go back to my normal self he is just not happy with anything.. So if he is not happy why is he still here.. I love him and i wanna work through things but it takes 2 not just me but the thing is if i only get crap from him and i feel unloved by him i'm not gunna hold on much longer i don't deserve this crap from him at all.. I deserve to be happy and to be around people who are excited for this child to come..The baby hasn't done anything wrong and doesn't deserve to be called a mistake or anything like that.. I guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm at my wits end with brock, he either has got to step up or step out and time is running out..After he gets done with spending time with his family this weekend he better start talking to me and listen to what i have to say, i mean i'm his family to now and fyi his family still doesn't know!

Ha but i do i have one funny story for this blog today..
I was at the mall with April and people were staring so i spoke very loudly and said " SERIOUSLY HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN A PREGNANT PERSON BEFORE? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU ALL" after that april glared back at anyone who glared at me and i spoke up to people when the were making comments like this one guy who walked by and said HOLY CRAP your pregnant i turned to him and said " ya think, wow your smart..so what i am whats the big deal" then he walked a way..hahahahahahahahahaha

Alright sorry for all the complaining but i needed to get it off my chest..Please pray for brock & I and most importantly the baby!!!!

Luv much!

~Hannah + Baby